eyes open kid
it’s hot, it’s humid, it’s dark
the cricket’s and katydid’s songs are syncing
and there’s vines growing on everything
hazy downpours cooling hot night heat
it’s the mid 1990’s, northern virginia
i’m a young man growing
it was overwhelming
eyes open absorbing everything
this hot summer night, the crew
as we would often do
we all decide to throw our skateboards in our trunks
get in our cars and ride
to meet at this smooth concrete on grade foundation slab
some kid had found and spread by word of mouth
if you knew the spot, you knew it was called white banks
and we skated there in the dark
on the lobby floor of a future office building
where the slab thickened for the elevator and stairway cores
there was a nicely rounded hip about 24 inches high
i wasn’t good for much on a skateboard compared to the rest of the crew
i can count on one hand the number of flip tricks in my life i’ve ever landed
but i remember having fun popping some big backside 180 ollies and pop shuvits
all of us busting tricks off that corner for hours
thunder claps, skate deck slaps
huge lightning bolts zipping to the ground
whipping and arcing between clouds
massive thunder clouds pulsating and flashing close to us
just on the other side of the dulles toll road from us
but not right over us
i remember watching closely
the kids i knew were landing tricks
the exact moment lightning bolts split open the air
dude, dude, you just landed that and the lightning it, it, it…
i couldn’t skate, i just stopped, i was silent watching, saying nothing
felt like everything was connecting in that moment
my eyes so open
a memory that comes back 25 years later
like it was yesterday
sometimes i’m still that eyes open kid
absorbing everything
silent cuz i can’t figure out the words to say after all i’ve just seen
hey, no, eyes open kid, yo, yo, wake up, say something
it’ll be alright, it won’t be overwhelming
what’s important is what’s connecting
like a lighting bolt between us all
all footprints let go by the sand
( all credit for the carving above goes to original artist. these words are dedicated to the human being who carved this and placed this )
my feet rising and falling
my eyelids blinking up and down
the river sparkling and reflective
as if the sky above was liquid flowing over ground
it feels like i’m walking barefoot careful on the shore
trying to pick up the hidden pieces of all our broken glass
buried in the beautiful sands of all our lives gone past
broken promises, broken reasons
how long until love and forgiveness
grinds them down into smooth tiny pieces
like the sand of this river’s beautiful beaches
so your trail walks peacefully
all footprints let go by the sand
one more warm november day
it’s a bit freaky in minneapolis
this fall and early winter
i’ve been riding my bike so much more
cuz it’s been so unseasonably warm
no snow, no temperatures as cold as they could be
but honestly, it’s difficult for me
riding my bike wearing a pandemic mask
my green cotton cloth bandana
from the 2019 minnesota state fair
which shows
in white logos
a local brewery “on a stick”
cuz my hot exhalations into mid 40F air
and the cold bandana tied tight
up against my face
means my nose runs everywhere
when i’m riding and breathing heavy
just yesterday i had to stop and pray
after riding for an hour
that in my messenger bag there was something
some kind of thing
some kind of napkin, some bit of paper
i could blow my nose into
cuz i had a waterfall going on behind my mask
so i stopped against the curb
out front of the movie theater on st. anthony main
un-clicked the buckle, swung it down from shoulder
and opened up my bag
then untied my wet bandana
two streams dripping off my lips
sure enough i was lucky
there were three dirty napkins
from some take out place
crumpled down at the bottom of my bag
so i blew out my nose and laughed to myself
snot management now in effect
gobs and gobs so heavy and warm filling up the napkin
but i could breathe again
and looking around i see no trash can
so fully sopped napkin goes right back into my bag
and onward i continued up to northeast
suddenly shaking my head when the absurdity hits me
i’ve suffered so little, been so lucky
have yet to lose anyone or anything
so why am i letting
this tiny inconvenience of the pandemic get to me
riding my bike on one more warm november day
slapping a sticker on a surface covered in dust
how we try to attach a name
to a human who’ll change
like trying to stick a label
on a situation in flux
trying to cram a soul
inside a selfie cage
like trying to slap a sticker
on a surface covered in dust
how we wonder why the good moments
turn into the most painful times
like we forget our most painful moments
will change into a better life
if we’re strong enough to accept the pain
without denying it, without grasping it, without fear
to let it come, to let it go, so we can grow, so life will flow
that moment moving into this moment
breathing out an old thought by breathing in the new
how we try to define our lives
with one moment caught in one memory
like trying to yell stop
to a river falling gently so relentlessly to the sea
thought lung #7 – calm sync
comlink located, thought lungs open, calm sync in progress
got that next level update yet
?
how can we talk with our fellow beings
the way sunlight through green leaves creates the oxygen of dreams
the way our co2 exhaling brings life energy
to growing breathing believing
different from us beings
getting to calm by
getting to communicate like
the ocean waves washing up and down the surface of the ground
how there’s no static line, no frozen edge
just one shared moment, by two different worlds
like a lover’s skin pressed soft and sweet against us
we all breathing
the exhalations of other living beings
living out what they breathe in
living in what they breathe out
comlink located, thought lungs open, calm sync in progress
haven’t we got beyond that [ self-as-center ] update yet
?
how do i live with my fellow beings
the way sunlight through green leaves breathes the oxygen of dreams
so that my garbage, my excrement, my stinking life brings energy
to growing breathing believing
different from me beings
getting to calm by
getting to live like
the river flowing up and down over the surface of the ground
how there’s no static line, no frozen edge
just one shared moment, by two different lives
how my love can hold them up when they are falling down
we all living
the energy of other living beings
breathing out what they live in
breathing in what they live out
comlink located, thought lungs open, calm sync in progress
it’s called selflessness
it’s that next level update
cuz “i voted” stickers aren’t hand outs
damn, even voting a day early and all these people ahead of me…
the line to vote stretches around 2 sides of the block
after a long day at work i’m standing in line outside a recreation center
outside on a warm sunny afternoon at longfellow park in minneapolis
standing in line to vote in the low slanting november sun
and then i start looking around, start breathing, start noticing
it could be windy, could be cold, be raining, snowing
there could be no voting
and the sun shining through my eyelids stops the poor me shit
cuz it quickly occurs to me there’s more to this
there’s more to see
like all the lives ahead of me
standing
and all the lives behind me
stepping
all my fellow americans ahead of me
walking
and all my fellow americans behind me
rolling
all the free thoughts ahead of me
thinking
and all the free thoughts behind me
flowing
all the free to do and make and say anything ahead of me
learning
and all the free to do and make and say anything behind me
building
all the free to meet with anyone ahead of me
talking
and all the free to discuss anything with them behind me
knowing
all the free to love whoever i love ahead of me
healing
and all the free to marry whoever i love behind me
breathing
all the free to choose whoever i want ahead of me
being
and all the free to choose whatever i want behind me
voting
computational free flow
hey, is what’s going off in here
[ 0,1 ]
what’s going on out there
[ 0,0 , 0,1 , 1,0 , 1,1 ]
?
cuz damn, these self-as-center algorithms letting us down
smokey air, drought and fire separating us from our homes
rumors and lies, a pandemic’s viral dna turning our lungs into foam
tripping out cuz falsely conceived algorithms on social media
rack up points for acting out insults
hating someone cuz hi-def dis-info streams freely
creating poisonous antisocial results
yo, got enough bandwidth in here
[ 0,1 ]
to know what’s going on over there
[ 0,0 , 0,1 , 1,0 , 1,1 ]
?
cuz damn, these self-as-center algorithms bringing us down
over there in the life of that other human
casting a vote different from our own
in the life of that other being doing it’s thing
the ant churning up the ground
the coastal redwood tree standing tall
sunlight glowing in it’s crown up above the fog
one more breath in and out
shared between us all
now
[ selfie level ]
next
[ portrait of me made by you as understood by someone else level ]
?
cuz damn, these self-as-center algorithm’s slowing us down
smoke and signal
america, these smokey deep orange sunrises
these flames of forests burning, smoke of trees homes dreams lives dying
first responder sirens all night wailing, pandemic still taking
flames of blame burning, smoke of conspiracies whirling
a 4k oled screen trying to flash, in a cloud of fucking ash
pushed along, carried and spread by wind raining white hot embers and sparks
pushed along, carried and spread by humans being human and moving
cuz they had places they needed to be, faces they needed to see, a life they needed to be
on planes, ships, buses, cars, bicycles, feet, finger tips, on a cough, by a sneeze
pushed along, carried and spread by desktops, laptops and tv phones, on anything with a screen
all all all of our billions of beautiful screens
and all that power to see anything anything anything
but we choose to see only only only
what we want to see
if that’s the sorting algorithm, here’s the philosophy
if disinformation streams in high definition
what definition is the information
when the rumors and lies are delivered for free
does the truth cost too much to see
america, these dusty halos hazing out the sun
centuries ago, what we once could not name or explain
we ascribed to a god above
but now, confirmation bias spreads like a virus
so a digital edge gets caught up in our heads
this can’t see a human
being human
just a race
just a tribe
of our own assuming
for some algorithm’s amusement
so now, what we don’t want to deal with, refuse to see
we push away into conspiracy
just turn away saying get the fuck away from me
pandemic dna from 7000 miles away
wildfire smoke from 1400 miles away
a deepfake video produced in a country far away
but the mistrust and bloodshed these create is right here
between you and me
between the united states of all of us
distracting blame games, backfiring false flags
the social media shit talking, the boasts, the braying
the open threats made
they flash on our hi-def screens
inches from our face
america, these smokey deep red sunsets
these emptied out downtowns hurting, a family’s empty storefront burning
helicopters all night circling, particles of a virus swirling
words of blame burning, smoke of conspiracies churning
a gigapixel camera trying to flash, through a rain of fucking ash
when i see the sun rising darker and hazier than normal
over the minneapolis skyline as i’m driving
the work truck east down 394 these autumn mornings
when i see the sun falling darker and blurrier than normal
down into the minneapolis skyline as i’m biking
across the franklin avenue bridge these autumn evenings
i try to imagine the burning forests of america
or maybe it’s just me caught in the burning forests of my mind
i’ll meet you there, outside these fucking selfie frames
find me there too, at that place beyond disinformation’s games
and they, they are there, very much alive despite our shit talking
despite their own hard earned scars of surviving
and all of us, we can trip out and push away
or we can turn around unafraid to stay and face the news
beyond these smoking screens of fear
what’s smoke and signal is clear
